I miss you

morning just walked out on me
i don’t think about it
the lamp is still lit 
i talk to myself on the drive
but i’m no you 
the ocean abandons my eyes
and i don’t think about it
you were my friend,  i loved it there
birds clawed at my throat until 
my tongue flopped out like a stone
and i said too much, killed the bloom
i try not to think about it
in the library i read attachment theory
suppose i’m anxious. later, pews burn beneath me
Irish Catholic Jesus whipping my knees,  okay.
delta brainwaves celluloid arachnoid sponge
i can’t stop thinking about not thinking about it
what if it’s all bullshit?  a coagulation of this 
solitude and that crazy feeling of sick  
with fear when you love someone 
the lullaby siphoned poison from my feet 
i couldn’t think so i slept
hold on, i’m way off track, falling in a dreamless
neon sketch of July. the fever is turning 
winter into ivory bone and wax mirrors 
nonsense,  this means nothing. ignore me.
let me think about it for a minute
i miss you: it’s plain but true 
no pretty words and phrases 
no candle slouching toward the wound 
nothing to decorate it with 
i can think it but i won’t say it
enough now. i’m trying to say it was
always enough. i never needed more
but i’m the lunatic with a sore mouth
heart a sick aging child with no shame
i’m thinking about it now 
you were my friend, i loved it there
but i was unwell, a light with no source
a hum looking for a bee to enchant
my brain stretches and yawns, so what if
i can’t stop thinking about you?
i finger the clock, we hold hands 
she pushes forward, i try and hold her back 
i know now, wind is scalloped air 
and some things are best left unsaid
i wish i had thought of that sooner
oh well, oh well. i’m sorry.

Some notes on a poem

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